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Brother 2 Sister
Dear Brother, Dear Sister

Letters Submitted Solicitng Relationship Advice, Spring 2008

Dear Brother,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year. We have a pretty good relationship, but he doesn’t always have time to be there when I need him. I met a guy and we’ve been spending a lot of time together. Recently I had sex with him and now we’re catching feelings for one another. It seems like I can’t leave this guy alone, now I’m so caught up I don’t know what to do. All of my friends say I should continue to see both of them until one of them messes up, but I do believe in karma. What should I do? P.S. Did I say he does not know I have a boyfriend.

Sincerely, Sade

Sister Sade,
I’m no psychologist, but I think you’re experiencing something I learned in school called sociological conditions for love. It’s not a disorder or anything, it basically means that your friend is taking your mind off your present situation with your boyfriend. When your boyfriend not there when you need him, there may be some anger and loneliness that your friend takes away. If you take your boyfriend out of the equation you may not even like your friend as much as you think because you probably would notice flaws that you’re not even mindful of right now. For instance; you’re just focusing on the time your friend is spending and your boyfriend is not. Furthermore, you may even be doing this for the thrill and adventure of sneaking behind your boyfriends back. Nevertheless, you should believe in karma because what goes around-definitely comes back around to bite you in the ass.

P.S. You have put yourself in a precarious situation because you are deceiving a man that has feelings for you. Men don’t like to be made a fool.

Sincerely, Brother

Dear Brother,
It is an attractive quality for a woman to be self-sufficient? I’ve met men who say that they like an independent woman, but from my experiences, it seems that my drive and determination intimidates these men. Do men really prefer women who are needy so that they can take care of them, in an effort to feel manly? If this is not so, how can a young woman be successful and still make her man feel that he is needed?

Sincerely, An Independent Sister

Dear Independent Sister,,
Yes, to be a self-sufficient woman is attractive and yes some men love to be able to do what they consider “manly” and take care of their women. But, you are making the same mistake so many other independent women do and that’s blaming the man. It may in fact be YOU! Maybe it’s not your drive and determination that intimidates them, but your overconfidence and arrogance that turns them off. Don’t get me wrong a lot of men are intimidated by a financially stable and independent women, but that’s not always the case. You could be too damn cocky and don’t know it! Some women are guilty of this behavior, but are not mindful of it. During arguments do you keep reiterating how independent you are and how you don’t need man. For example, look at the way you signed off on your letter “Sincerely, An Independent Sister.” I knew you were an independent sister while reading your letter. Instead of signing your actual name or an alias you chose to sign “An Independent Women. In a nut shell, if you notice a pattern between you and men at some point you might want to look within yourself first.

Sincerely, Brother

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First Date Do’s & Don'ts
The First Date

Love & Life Magazine Article , Fall 2006

1. Never arrive too early or
too late for the date.

Why: Arriving early makes you look a little too anxious, and you don’t want to seem pressed. Not to mention your date may not be ready, and you don‘t want them to feel rushed when you arrive early.

Arriving late makes a person think that there is something more important than the date, and the last thing you want to do is to make someone feel unimportant. Equally important, it’s inconsiderate to have someone waiting for you. If something comes up and the time must be changed, give the person a call. There is nothing like being all dressed up with no place to go.

2. Have a game plan-know where you’re going and what you’re going to do.
Why:Start your date off with direction. If plans change while your out, that’s fine. Not having a clue as to what you’re doing can be annoying and time consuming. You
want your date to feel that you put effort into making it a memorable date..

3.Keep cell phone conversations to a minimum.
Why: Constantly being interrupted while on a date is not only irritating, but it gives the impression that you are not very interested in the date and/or too busy a person. Sometimes busy people don’t have much time for others. Put the thing on vibrate, and only answer calls that are highly important. Better yet, turn the phone off and let voice mail pick up

4. Never leave home without money.
It doesn’t matter who you’re on a date with always have your own money. You never want to be in a position of not being able to pay your tab.

5. Never wear an outfit that is above and beyond something you would normally wear.
If you go out and buy an extravagant outfit to make a first impression , then every time thereafter you look okay….NOT GOOD! Look nice but not above your means. You want to be able to keep an image of looking nice, and whatever you do don’t borrow an outfit from your friend!

6. Never brag.
Bragging is not necessary, and it’s a definite turn off. There is no need to talk about the things that you have. You want your date to like you as a person not because of your personal assets. He/she will see them soon enough.

7. Be yourself.
The hell it ain’t! You talk to who ever you want, and have sex with who ever you want, too. Look, being in a relationship is too much pressure. At the office I got ladies on my back everyday and I can’t take all that right now!

8. Never ask to come over at the end of the first date.
It makes a bad first impression and, once again you don‘t want to seem pressed. If everything went well there should be plenty of opportunity for you to get an invitation.

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The MensRoom
2 Marry or Not 2 Marry

An Actual Transcript of a Conversation, Fall/Winter 2008

This transcript is an actual conversation between two men, Kenny a graphic designer, in his mid 20’s, and Malcolm, a slim build 28 year old college professor. The men are long time college friends and we join in on the conversation as they have the never tiring debate of single life vs. marital bliss.

Kenny: So, what’s up with the wedding,did
you decide on the place for the reception yet?

Malcolm: Man this wedding stuff is getting on my nerves, she is trying to invite everyone! I really don’t need all those people there.

Kenny: Well you know how it is the little lady want to do it big!

Malcolm: I’m about to not want to do it at all!

Kenny: Man cut it out! What’s up with the bachelor party? Your cousins setting it up for you?

Malcolm: Not that I know of, but you should set it up. You Mr. Single you got all the females!

Kenny: I got a few nice young ladies I can call up for you (Laughs)!

Malcolm: See that’s what I’m talking about! You can go out, party, hit up strip clubs, and stay out as late as you want! I’m an old ass man Ken; I’m in the bed by 10:30pm!

Kenny: It’s nothing wrong with that.

Malcolm: Yeah right! You are always on the scene and going to parties. I remember when I was in the streets heavy! I had more fun then.

Kenny: It’s not all it’s cracked up to be. At least you got somebody! It’s not a lot of good women on the scene. I’ve been single for 6 years now and it’s not a good look.

Malcolm: The hell it ain’t! You talk to who ever you want, and have sex with who ever

you want, too. Look, being in a relationship is too much pressure. At the office I got ladies on my back everyday and I can’t take all that right now!

Kenny: Malcolm, I would die to be in your situation and you don’t want anyone at your job anyway.

Malcolm: Why not? It’s convenient. This chick already knows I’m engaged and she act like it’s cool. I’m about to hit it man, I feel like I’m losing my touch with this being engaged stuff! I’m not myself anymore. Imagine sleeping with the same woman for the rest of your LIFE!

Kenny: Man that’s too much drama! Leave that situation alone. Those types of women you don’t want that’s why you are getting married now!

Malcolm: No, those the chicks I do want, she knows my situation so there are no strings attached.

Kenny: There are always strings attached, and by me being single, I know! Like I said, you don’t want that drama.

Malcolm: You might be right! It seems like I don’t know what I want anymore.

Kenny: You want your wife man that’s what you want!

Malcolm: What I want is for you to get me some strippers for my bachelor party!

Kenny: I don’t think you want the chicks I got, they are kind of wild!

Malcolm: Well, at least I can act single at my bachelor party!

Kenny: Yeah, you should have a pass for that day.

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Brother 2 Sister
Moving In & Moving On

Letters Submitted Solicitng Relationship Advice, Fall/Winter 2008

Dear Brother,
I’ve been dating this guy now for about 7 months; we are in each other’s face all day every day. We party together and believe it or not, I AM LOVING IT! He spends all of his time at my place and I gave him a key. We haven’t established ourselves as anything but friends. I am not looking for anything and he says he is not either. Lately, if I go out without him he thinks I am on a date or I’m trying to get away from him! Well, he’s right! He’s not trying to commit and if he does I might say yes, but that’s not the situation. So I see it like this; I can go on dates and do what I want as long as I’m not sleeping with anyone. Until he decides to step up, that’s just they way it is! Am I wrong?

Sincerely, Nydia

Dear Nydia,
Well, I believe you were wrong from the beginning! How can you give a man that’s not your man a key to your home? It seems like the both of you are playing a dangerous game and someone’s feelings are going to get hurt. It is almost like you are “playing house,” without a commitment in sight. This will, and has created too many mix signals and false expectations. Instead of you waiting for him to step-up, I believe you should be the one to start stepping. Tell him the truth about you possibly dating other guys, and that he is able to date as well (I hope). Until you are on the same page at least the key needs to come back. That is a statement within itself, and I believe if you wait someone will get lead on.

Sincerely, Brother

Dear Brother,
I have been dealing with this guy for about a year and a half. He stays at my house most of the time and he even has a key. He goes out a lot and comes in pretty late like around 3 or 4 o’clock in the morning. He spends most of the week with me, but the weekends he’s almost nowhere to be found. He always hides or turns off his phone at night and I don’t even have a key to his house. It is really
beginning to irritate me because I know he is doing something. I hear a lot of different things about him and other females, but the only thing is, I can’t prove it. What should I do?

Sincerely, Kelli

Dear Kelli,
You already know what to do! Go with your first mind! See, you don’t want to and that’s why you are writing. I believe you either think he has a wife, girlfriend, or he deals with a lot of different women. Regardless, he’s not being honest and you know it! His dishonesty is what is irritating you, but you are waiting for that one major thing to happen that’s going to make you want to leave. FORGET IT! Why should you wait until you get hurt before you leave? Then you will be asking yourself what happened? What did you do wrong? You will be suffering from the pain he inflicted in the process! It will be a struggle but just let it go now! It’s better to struggle than to suffer.

Sincerely, Brother

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